Why the second half of the journey took nine years



A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2005 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

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Why the second half of the journey took nine years
An unexpected observation about the anxiety and chaos of creation
The initial writing of this topics - the stories of the mind
A conclusion

The title, “Why the second half of the journey took nine years,” is actually incorrect for it has taken longer than nine years. Mind only saw the journey as complete when this topic was originally addressed. In actuality, it took nine years to understand how to get out of the box created by our early programming. The second half of the journey will only be complete when the all the information gained about how we lose our ability to be in the most creative state and then return to that state is made available in documented form.

The current thinking of mind is to say the journey is complete when all the information is provided on the web. However, what is experienced is each subject written for web causes a variety of other subjects to be raised. Many of which warrant their own discussion. The convoluted nature of the topics is analogous as to why and how we lose ourselves in our creations. Nevertheless, in time, there will be a closure on the process. How long that will take is really unknown. But what has been learned to date is significantly worth noting and why this topic is being presented in this format - a composite of the current understanding and the understanding when this topic was originally addressed.

An unexpected observation about the anxiety and chaos of creation (Top)

What was observed is that when this topic was originally written and posted nine years after the experience of the Ultimate Accident, mind had the impression it understood the journey was complete. It understood all that needed to be explored was explored. In part, this was true. The box, or the cage of our own making in which we put our creativity was reasonably understood. But there was another piece of the puzzle which did not become obvious until almost a year later that prompted this new section about an unexpected observation. The issue arose as discussed in the topic, “Using creative play to recreate oneself,” as a result of the fact that we are multidimensional.

Being multidimensional, a part of our being will remain in the chaos of creation until we have the minimum set of experiences to create what we desire even when mind chooses otherwise. This was something that was not understood but was a surprise observation. In hindsight, it should have been expected. It was known we are multidimensional and we can exist in other dimensions. There was no reason to not think we could be working on a creative endeavor in more than one dimension at any one time. How much remains in chaos depends on what we desire to create. In the case here, studying creativity, the journey could nor, or rather cannot, end until it is understood how to communicate what was learned about creativity and how we create. Consequently, a part remain in chaos looking for a way to communicate what was learned.

What needs to be understood, to study creativity and truly understand it, we need to create something from start to finish. In order to understand how we create our experiences and the reality of those experience it was necessary to become both the creator and the creation. It was to literally create something from nothing and brining that something into a life of its own allowing that life to freely unfold.

The journey into the exploration of creativity could not end until the entire creation process was observed. The journey could not end until the creation matured and became a life unto itself and either ended as in death and/or evolve to create a new life as a product or offspring. The creation created to study creation did not end. Rather, a new life was created from that creation. That did not occur until about nine and a half years after the Ultimate Accident. - six months after the first writing of this topic. Yet, that minimum set of experience to explain the process was, and is, still being compiled as of this current writing. Even at this writing, ten years after the Ultimate Accident, it is clear there are still things to communicate which were observed and known in, and at the time of, the Ultimate Accident. But words and/or a way of expressing what was learned had not yet be found to communicate them to meet the intent of the original intention that created the conditions to stumble into the Ultimate Accident..

To the current mind, it appears the skeleton structure being used to guide the documentation of the findings and make them available is sufficient to end the journey when “the meat is put on the bones” so to speak in the form of discussion topics. However, if the previous ten years is any indication, it can be expected a new twist will arise to cause the journey to continue.

The essential observation which needs to be understood is that the creative play and the most creative state is much like the play of a very young child. The very young child moves from thing to thing experiencing everything without focusing on anything in particular They are free to explore all options and possibilities. When we look for creative solutions, we cannot create what we desire until we explore all the possibilities to know what will work the way we desire.

The exploration of possibilities occurs in the chaos step of the creative/creation process before the energy gets directed into a particular mold. How much or how many aspects of our multidimensional being get directed into the chaos for the exploration depends on what we desire to create. There is the need to live in that chaos as long as necessary. We will live in the chaos as long as it takes to access what we need to meet the intention we hold. That is, until we explore all necessary options.

Options are explored in sequence unless there is one or more individuals who hold and act on the same jointly held intention. In this case, the exploration can be done in parallel. The creation cannot be created until all options are explore, or at least a sufficient number explored to ensure the success of the creation. Although one may pick an option on which to act, if the intention continues to be held, a part of us will remain in the chaos of creation exploring options.

But there is an anxiety in the chaos of creation. We feel it even if we cannot consciously explain it. As long as a part of our being remains in the chaos of creation, we will feel an anxiety. As such, mind kept trying to end the journey to end the anxiety. That is, it kept trying to determine it had the solution and all that needed to be known when all that was needed was not known. The first writing of this topic presented below was one of the many decision by mind the journey was complete. In reality, as long as the intention was held, the chaos continued, the anxiety continues.

What is interesting is our mind wants to find focus but the intention we hold keeps us in the chaotic process exploring. It is here we feel we will go, or are, crazy. Yet, in the end, it is only a prolonged exploration of the unknown. When we do find what we seek in the chaos, life will fall into place. Mind will find its external focus. Until then we can expect to remain in the chaos.

This is what happened in the exploration of creativity which gave rise to the information in the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity material. There was a continual desire for the journey to end because of the anxiety within. But, no focus could be found in the external world that would allow the journey to end and/or provide a sufficient distraction break the focus of the intention and end the journey. There was the continual desire of mind to find something externally on which focus and direct it energy to bring what was understood at that point in time into a physical form. Yet nothing could be found that would hold the focus. Quite simply the chaos was not over and the passion generated by the intention was stronger than the pull of the mind. It was continual for over ten years and continues to some extent at this writing. It is as thought the anxiety and chaos will not end until all the material that needs to be recorded is recorded and made available. It has been observed that as the understanding is documented and integrated into an overall picture, the more the anxiety dissipates and the chaos decreases. It is still present but the process can be seen for what it is.

As discussed in the topic , “Using creative play to recreate oneself,” we do not stay wondering around endlessly in this chaotic state because of the conscious and nonconscious focus we hold. That to which we are eventually drawn, tell us about the deeper composite intention we carry. Our conscious intention is not normally the only intention we carry. What became clear is in studying creativity, the conscious intention to explore creativity overlaid a deeper unconscious intention, the intention for incarnating. As the consciousness intention fulfilled the deeper intention, the anxiety was again, seen to dissipate.

Two notes need to be made here before seeing how mind worked to end the journey when this topic was originally written. One is about the energy rising from within and the other is about astrology and how the inner world is reflected in the outer world.

Throughout this journey, when something very energetic that was capable of shifting the direction of understanding was surfacing from the nonconscious mind of which the conscious mind had no awareness, the mind’s attention was directed to a very focus concentrated play by the subconscious mind. It was as though an irrational desire to play took over and held the conscious mind captive to allow the energy and insight to surface without judgement and/or interference of the mind. The experience of the effect is like being intensely consumed by a computer game for hours upon hours into the late hours of the night. It is as though something possessed the mental attention and diverted it completely from the journey into non goal orientated spontaneous play. The mind had to become totally preoccupied and out of the picture for the insights to arise. It never fail.

What also was observed, was there appeared to be some correlation with astrology. Probably more anecdotal than scientific, but nevertheless seemingly present. As stated in the topic “The Issue of Astrology in Creative Endeavors - an Observation,” Astrology was followed to see what if anything seem to correlate on, or with, creativity. The conclusion was stated the astrology is more like a forecast giving us an idea about the weather being favorable or not favorable for certain activities. It does not mean they cannot occur, it is just not as easy as at other times. Yet, it appeared there were times that acted as a doorway for certain creative insights to surface.

Can such a phenomenon be provided to the satisfaction of science? Probably not. The effect is too subtle and requires a well developed mindfulness and awareness with an acute observation of internal and external events to lend itself to accurate measurement unavailable to most individuals that would satisfy the rigors of science. Nevertheless, although an astrological connection seemed to be present, it was not something that could be controlled by the mind. To think so is to not understand that mind only knows the past and cannot effectively lead one in a true creative endeavors. The best it can provided is an extrapolation of the past.

From the understanding that our inner world is reflected in the outer, it should not be surprising that there are things from time to time that allow us to see the reflection. What is curious is the specific insight discussed here occurred in a way other insight also occurred in this journey. It is as though climatic conditions exist that are favorable to creative insights and those that are not. Curiously, the particular insight causing this topic to be rewritten occurred on a Monday morning. The weekend Astrology talked about it being time to dispel the myth of serendipity. Happiness and the like does not arise from glorious coincidences no mater how many mystics say otherwise. But, then it went on to say, you could be very lucky during the weekend as a result of Mercury’s alignment to Neptune and a wish could be granted. Almost the entire weekend was consume by a total distraction with old computer game quite common before creative insights surface. The wish that was granted was the deeper insight into the creative process not previously seen for what it was.

Monday’s Astrology stated that it was as thought one is locked in a cocoon and there was the feeling of being locked in an unfolding process. Out of the process would be the release what was always known but unseen and unrecognized but yet, to have possession all along. In many ways that is what the release of this understanding about being held in the chaos of creation has been. It had been known since the Ultimate Accident and expressed in writing about the creative/creation process. The anxiety of the process has been felt for the entire journey and no external focus was found to relieve the anxiety. Yet, only with this insight and in this writing has been clear as to why this effort to explore creativity could not end when mind wanted it to end, nor could any external focus be found to direct the energy into manifestation. The reason was that the chaos of creation had not yet allowed all of the options to be explored. Only after the minimum set of experience was obtained did the insight came the understanding of how the new life from this creation occurred. That understand and insight brought the study of creativity full circle.

The initial writing of this topics - the stories of the mind (Top)

This then brings us to the first writing of this topic where mind tried to end the journey by saying the realization as to what the top and bottom of the box really meant. This section has been retained so as to see how mind tried to explain the journey ended and all that was needed had been obtained. It is what mind will always do. It will create a story to satisfy its need. This aspect of mind to create a story is one reason why it is so important to follow our intuitive guidance in creative endeavor.

If you look at the time line from the Ultimate Accident to when the author felt a completion to the journey as discussed “In a Box” it is about nine years. One may ask why did it take nine years for the author to finally come to the realization about the top and bottom of the box. The answer to this question can be seen as one of three answers. In one way or another two of the answers are directly applicable for different reasons. The third is still up for debate. In the opinion of the author, the second answer is a little more correct than the first but the third may actually be the truth of the matter

The first answer as to why the second half of the journey took nine years is that it was fear. Although the journey would have taken a finite time for the seeds to bear fruit as explained below, it did not have to take nine years. Much of what was needed was available at the time of the Ultimate Accident. Fear, however, extend or expanded the time that was needs. But exactly how was fear present.

Fear was present in the sense of not being willing to accept the leadership role required. The problem was that the author had preferences as to how he wanted things to work out and he did not particular like the role he had to play. His preferences and attempts to manifest his preferences only got in the way and interfered with what needed to occur. That interference caused the process to spread out a little longer than necessary. When working with the psychics, he was warned by several of them that “It will not work out the way you expect.” He was somewhat puzzled by that statement especially because the part about “the way you expect.” He didn’t see himself as having expectations. He didn’t understand as to what they were referring. Other psychics recommended the need to surrender. But the author did not exactly understand to what he needed to surrender.

In hindsight, the statement “It will not work out the way you expect” was a gross understatement. There was nothing in the author’s experience that allowed him to anticipate the way things unfolded. Although he often knew the outcome beforehand, the process to get there was nothing like he could imagine. In time he had to learn to simply surrender to the process even when he disliked what he was experiencing.

But there was one expectation he definitely possessed that was hard to give up. He expected that what he was to communicate would be readily accepted by people. It wasn’t so much that they rejected or argued about what he had to say. Rather, it was simply too much for many to believe and tremendously difficult for many people to accept let alone understand. The author, as anyone else, does not like to be ostracized, abandoned, not heard, or otherwise rendered a non person by society and those in his life. Yet, the message he had to communicate and the understanding contained within the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity can be difficult to accept. It is difficult only because because our normal every day experiences seem to tell us something different.

At a conscious level, he would say he had no fear about facing what needed to be done. As a child, because of where his home was located, there was a certain fear he had to face every time he wanted to play in the woods behind his home. The house in which he grew up was about forty feet from the closed up entrance to an old coal mine. He always feared the entrance opening or the abandoned mine caving in in some way. Adults told him he was being foolish in fearing such things. They said the old mines don’t do that. To play, he had to learn to put aside his fear for the fear never went away. It was always there. Years later the mine entrance did open up. It opened exactly where he used to play.

So too the experience of fear about this journey to explore creativity. He never experience any fear as such. He simply put it aside as he did when he played as a child. He consciously felt nothing Yet it was there. The fear that existed was subconscious. However, it did reveal itself as a fear. It revealed itself as an allergy.

The author became aware of this fear through a peculiar allergy that he had to some cats. Not all cats, just some types of cats. When he asked one of the psychics with whom he worked about his allergy to cats, her replay was, “You fear your leadership role.” He response was, “That doesn’t make sense, I have been in leadership roles all my life. I am comfortable in leadership roles.” Her response was, “But in this leadership role your tribe is not behind you.” That surprised him and he wondered for years, what exactly is it about this understanding of our unlimited creativity such that which he had to communicate would not something which is necessarily supported by society. The answer, of course, is the top and bottom of the box, the two issues of God and sexuality and their relationship to creativity.

Over the years the author has tried to avoid discussing and dealing with these issues directly with individuals. But, in time, he had come to realize it is inevitable that each of us will need to face those two issues if we wish to get some conscious creative control over our lives. We will need to face them in a way very few have been educated to face. So, there has been a reluctance all through the nine years to put those issues on the table and deal with them directly. But as stated in the discussion “In a Box,” theee issues were confronted and addressed in creating the web sites Creative Spirituality and Creative Sexuality. These sites have been created to provide the basics of what is needed in these two areas of God and sex respectively relative to our creative power and ability. These web sites address the reluctance of presenting those issues.  Each provides an alternative way. Creative Spirituality provides an alternative way of viewing God and the creative power/Creative Powers of creation/Creation. The Creative Spirit web site provides and alternative view of both the role and function of sexuality.

A more correct answer as to why it would took several years, even if the nine years to complete the second half of the journey into creativity could be shorten without fear, is that creation is about planting seeds and growing things. It is an awareness the author always had. Our thoughts, our actions and our deeds are like seeds. The seeds must be planted and gardened. They must germinate and grow. But they must also be nourished and watered if they are to grow to maturity and bear fruit. In seeing the fruit one knows the type and kind of seed which was planted and the types and kinds of seeds we have nourished and watered. Some seeds grow quickly like weeds. Some grow slowly like trees. Some grow enormously slow and can take lifetimes, yes, lifetimes for the fruit to be born. One has to wait for the fruit to know the seed which one planted. The time period since the Ultimate Accident had been a period of observing and watching seeds grow. It has been about nourishing, watering and weeding.

For example, the discussion, “The Power to Observe,” discusses how the author first came to realize his ability to observe and see into what gives rise to what we experience. That was an instantaneous experience. To create the critical mass of conditions that created the space for the Ultimate Accident was assembled over a period of four months but had about two years of additional preparatory work. The discussion of “The Unfolding Flower” talks about how he saw the germination, birth and unfoldment of the creative spirit that lies within each of us. That experience took almost two years. It takes time for our creations which find their root in our desires to grow and unfold.

Although at the time the author was not completely aware of the conditions he established that gave rise to the Ultimate Accident, he was aware of many of the intentions he held and what he desired to create. He was aware of the seeds he was planting but he did not know how to arrange them in an optimum fashion. Having thought he understood creativity after many years studying creativity, he was actively and consciously creating with what he knew. He was also activity engaged with many individuals who were trying to access and manifest the dream they carried in their heart. He was aware of the seeds they were planting. Some of their actions he considered wise. Others of their actions considered foolish. Yet, only time would reveal what fruit was born from those actions.

Over time he saw the fruits that were born of many of the actions taken by individuals initially taken about the time of his Ultimate Accident. Why the Ultimate Accident is the reference marker for his observations was become it was a turning point. It was the point where his awareness and point of observation shifted and became different. He saw and experienced Creation through a new set of eyes.

In essence, the author watched and observed his own life and the lives of others for nine years. He took notes and wrote about what he saw. In the process he tied to warn individuals about what they were creating. He created workshops and discussions in hope of addressing what saw, or did not see, unfolding. He did rituals with them, for them and to them. He did this so they may see how to nurture and garden the creations they desired. Some listened, some didn’t. In any case, over time, he began to see the fruits.

The conversation with the individual in the discussion “In a Box” that was asked by the author to take him to their church was only the realization and synthesis in his own mind after nine years of what he observed about what needed to be done to break through the top of the box. The individual’s issues with, and about, sexuality were similarly only the synthesis and awareness of nine years of observation and how poorly individuals understood the creative power of  sexuality for things and experiences other than creating offspring.

But then, although all of the above makes perfect sense to our mind, there appears to be a third reason why it has taken nine years. Although the above is true, and an enormous amount of time has been needed to write and document all the observations made by the author, there appear to be an issue of timing.

From a very human perspective and ancient traditional perspective it can be see to be an issue of astrology. That is, there are astrological conditions governing our lives that have controlled the unfoldment of the understanding possessed by the author and the additional understanding accessed by the author in the Ultimate Accident. The issue of astrology is discussed under the topic of the same name, but astrology as it appears to be practiced does not do justice to what the author has observed.

The author developed a curiosity in Astrology when one of the psychics within whom he was working started to look more and more at Astrology as she notice the constraints in the lives of people who sought her advice. She notice patterns and occurrences that seem to parallel Astrological phenomenon and she saw Astrology as the answer. However, the author saw something quite different.

In looking as Astrology, as discussed under the topic of “Issue of Astrology,” the author has come to understand Astrology is just another attempt by man to understand the deep undercurrents of Creation. In this understanding, there is valuable information you can get from Astrology but it is not as powerful as some would have one believe. The recommendation made here is to use it very, very judiciously much like you use the tides when boating on a shallow rocky bottomed river. Otherwise, it will quickly lead you off your own path. It is the author’s opinion that our intuitive guidance is still better and ultimately will be more reliable than any astrological prediction.

One thing that has always stuck in the author’s mind has been the issue of timing. When the author first heard the Christ story, he was always struck by what Christ is reported to had said to His mother at the Wedding Feast at Cana. It is reported that when Christ was asked by his mother to create more wine for wedding, He said, “It is not my time.” Needless to say, to satisfy His mother, He went ahead and turned water into wine. But, if the accounting of the story is true, there was no recognition by anyone of Christ. Everyone was just amazed by the good wine that was now suddenly available. But no one could see the Divinity of Christ for it was not time for him to be seen. The author always wondered about that. What is the issue of timing?

If Christ truly was God incarnate, fully at one with the Divinity of God, why should timing be an issue? Could not God change the timing of His own Creation? But then if He was not fully one with God as He is reported to be but under the control of something larger, even thought it was not yet His time, He could still step out and create the requested miracle. The issue isn’t the Divinity of Christ. The issue is timing and what exactly is happening that there is a timing to the events we experience? What it timing related to the unfoldment of Christ’s power and/or His personal development? Was it timing of others and their development? Was it timing of physical Creation? What is all of the above or none of the above?

It is interesting to note that there had been a timing to the author’s life and his unfoldment. It was stated he choose to wait till his father died before he started his work. When the author was working with some psychics, several commented that certain aspects of the journey would take years, with the emphasis on years indicating much more than a few. A similar statement was made in the author soul retrieval about his own understanding. Others commented on having information but not having any idea as to the timing as to when evens would unfold. The author has had his own experience of knowing something and being frustrated at knowing something is going to happen and having to wait years for its unfoldment.

More importantly and more practical, as a manager and throughout his professional career, the author clearly saw there was a timing to things. There were opportune moment and you know those moments by looking and observing carefully as to how the energy of the situation was flowing. Nothing magical there. Much like observing the course of a river flowing from the mountains to the sea. The course of the river and often its speed was determine by the land in which if flowed. One just had to observe the land to know what to expect.

In studying psychics it is apparent, different psychics tap into different undercurrents. Some see deeply into currents that take many, many years to unfold. Some tap into currents that take a short time. The evidence suggests we can focus ourselves to tap into any current we wish by the intention we hold and the beliefs and thinking that colors that intention.

In the author’s case, he has always has a feeling he was much like Noah in the middle of a desert building a Ark. He always felt there was a timing to this work and he needed to write and explore creativity even when it didn’t make sense to do so. He always felt if he didn’t do what need to be done when the time was available, he would no have what was needed when it was necessary.

So the third answer as to why this material has take nine years even when the author knew much of information at the time of the Ultimate Accident is simply timing. No matter what our mind think and what excuses we can point to as the cause, there is evident to suggest it is nothing more than time regardless of what stories we create about it. It has not been time for the understanding to come together until it did. To accept this answer bring up the how issue of free will and how free are we.

Quite frankly, at the time of this writing in January 2006, there are several issues that appear unresolved as to as to timing. Depending on how they unfold and when they unfold, the author will then be able to say better whether it took nine years because of fear, certain decisions had to grow and unfold or there has been a timing well beyond what we can normally access to change.

At this moment, it an be said with reasonable certainty, it takes time for the seeds we plant, our intentions, to germinate, take root, grow and bear fruit. During this time, we must water and provide nourishment to what we wish to grow. However, there are deep undercurrents. Much like the weather, they greatly influence what we can grow, how fast they can grow and whether or not they can even reach maturity. Different undercurrents affect different intentions and some undercurrent influence many of the others. But for each of us, all that really matters, is we access the undercurrent that gives rise to our life and the intention for our life and align with that current. It is that current which will give us the deep inner satisfaction we all seek. We only need to be aware of the other currents and we can play in those currents. But we cannot get distracted by them at the expense of the current that is guiding our life. We must be about our fathers business whatever it may be.

A conclusion (Top)

The conclusion as to why it has taken so is two fold. One is there is an intention for our life that has been overlaid with the intention for Physical Creation. Creation as we experience it is about growth and unfoldment. Although we have a free will and have an unlimited creativity, we are constrained by the established flow pattern for Physical Creation and our life. We can change the flow path , but only if we access the root cause as to what is supplying, or not supplying, the energy for Creation. We can change the flow of either one by wisdom when we access the root as to what is giving rise to the Creation. But first, we will have to access that state of creative play to start seeing reality for what it is.

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